The Ultimate Relationship
Words
(start with (21:51-25:33) FotC (I'm Not Cryin')
Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Conflict. Drama. Wackiness ensues. Boy gets girl back again, happily ever after. How many chick flicks can you think of that fit that bill? It's the classic romantic comedy (RomCom) formula. But here in the real world, it's more often boy meets girl, conflict, drama, boy loses girl, pain, suffering, despair, as our friends Bret and Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords have shown us. And yet guys and girls will keep on getting into relationships. Why? Why do we get involved in relationships? I think girls would say they are looking for companionship, affection, interdependence and commitment. They want a relationship with someone who they can share their life with and depend on. Of course, guys wouldn't say that. Those things sound girly. Guys would say,were they to articulate it eloquently, that they were looking for excitement, mutual stimulation, thrills, and opportunities to serve. Guys want to enjoy their time with someone, feel like progress is being made and something is happening, and they're contributing. These things that are expressed by men and women are what it means to love someone – it's a mix of feelings, shared experiences and actions – and it's a wonderful thing both to love someone and to be loved in those ways.
This is why girls watch RomComs – because they want to know that they can be happy ever after, that there is someone out there who can give them the affection and commitment they desire. Boys only watch them because girls do. They'd rather see a movie where the hero sweeps the girl off her feet and rescues her from an explosion chasing them down a hallway. One film critic has said that RomComs are built on the premise that (a.) Human beings are flawed and incomplete. (b.) The right companion can heal and complete us. (c.) There is no accounting for taste. It's not about there being no drama, no conflict, no tension – they make it interesting. But it's about a conclusion that brings healing and completeness. Interestingly, the guy's movie I outlined isn't that far off – humans are flawed (that's why the woman needs saving), the right person can rescue us (the hero who saves the girl), and there's no accounting for taste (which explains why every James Bond after Sean Connery still gets girls).
But love hurts, too. It hurts because it means opening yourself up, building up trust, showing your weak spots, letting your guard down. And no matter how much we might try to protect those we love from hurt, we can't protect them from ourselves. Another band called They Might Be Giants wrote these words,
Lad's gal is all he has
Gal's gladness hangs upon the love of lad
The love of lad
Some things gal says to lad
aren't meant as bad
But cause a little pain
They cause him pain.
I use song lyrics here because so many songs are written about relationships, both the joys and the sorrows, and songs, even just their lyrics, are able to express an emotional side that simple speaking just cannot do. Even though we might love one another, we still hurt each other. Isn't that messed up? But you ask any couple, even after they've been married 30, 40, 50 years whether they still cause each other pain sometimes. It's inevitable. We're broken people – we mess up relationships, and hurt the people we love most. If I wanted to prove it, I could just ask for a show of hands of how many people here have never hurt someone they care about. You know as well as I do that everyone does it – couples, siblings, even friends hurt each other. A snide comment here, a selfish action there, an uncontrolled emotional reaction here, a simple-minded forgetting the other person exists there.
But here's the unfortunate truth: although the first part of the RomCom premise is true – humans are flawed and broken – the second part simply doesn't follow. Putting two broken people together, no matter how complimentary, no matter how well matched, doesn't end in happily ever after. Why? Because two wrongs don't make a right. Two people who seem made for each other will still cause sparks, there will still be friction. We can't fix each other. Using broken tools to fix a broken machine just doesn't work.
But there is hope If there was no hope, why watch these movies?. There is a relationship that can be built which will stand the test of time, which will make the happily ever after a reality. Deep in ourselves we know it to be true. It's a relationship with God. It's the ultimate relationship. Christians believe that God made us how we are. He knows we're broken. And you know why we're broken? Because we like to be selfish. We like to put ourselves before others, and that breaks relationships. The same selfishness that can break a marriage, or a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, or a friendship, is the selfishness that broke our relationship with God. That relationship with God is so important, that when it got broken, everything else got broken with it, and now here we are.
God knows our situation, and he knows how to fix it, and it's not by using each other. God knew that it would take a human touch to empathise with the human condition, but that humans are messed up. So he came down to earth, and became one of us. God sent his son to earth as a human, and that human was called Jesus, the Christ. God sent Jesus because he knew that in a relationship, someone has to say sorry (the person who has done wrong), and the other person has to forgive (the person who was wronged). We've wronged God. We've wronged him by saying to him, “You think you know how to run my life, God? Well I know what I like, and I'm going to do that, whether you like it or not.” “Big deal”, you might say. “I'm my own person”, you might say, “why can't I do what I like?” Let me put it this way. Men like sex, in case you didn't know. But if a married man isn't getting it at home, should he go to a prostitute and get what he likes there? No way! That breaks the trust, it breaks the relationship with his wife. God knows what we like – he made us to like it! But when we say we are going to do what we like, and to hell with God, that's like a husband saying he knows he likes sex, and to hell with his wife. That's selfishness.
We have wronged God, and because we're in the wrong, we should be punished. If you cheat on your spouse, you lose it all – they get the house, the car, the kids, everything. But God is not just a husband or a wife. He's God. If you wrong him, it's punishable by hell, and that's forever. And we've all done it. We're all broken, we're all selfish, we're all flawed, so we're all doomed. And God will do it, too – he has to. He can't let broken people live with him in a perfect, unbroken heaven. It doesn't work.
So God sent Jesus, his son, the perfect human. Jesus wasn't selfish, he didn't break faith with God. He didn't wrong God once. And he came with this offer: “I bring forgiveness from God for your wrong against him. If you apologise and change your ways to show you mean it, I'll take your punishment away.” To prove he meant it, he died nailed to a cross outside Jerusalem. And to prove he wasn't lying, God brought him back from the dead.
God has pre-empted us, and accepted our apologies. Now, the ball is in our court. Girls, you want affection, companionship and commitment? God gives them all. But it means being dependent on him to provide you with what you need; him and no-one else. Do you need a husband? That's God's choice, not yours. If you need one, he'll give you one. Should you stay single? That's God's choice, not yours. You have to surrender your life to him, and admit that he knows what's best. He'll take care of the conflicts, the drama and the wackiness that ensues. Life with God is happy ever after, not because there's no tension and conflict and problems, but because you know that God has it all in hand, and he's looking out for you. He knows best.
Guys, you want excitement, thrills, and opportunities to serve? God gives them all. But it means acknowledging that God knows how to do it right, not you. It means following God as your leader, and pledging him your allegiance, him and no other. He'll give you an exciting life, if you're up for it. He's got spies in the darkest corners of the world leaking out his message, he has warriors fighting against evil in lonely alley ways, he's got rebels standing up for him where no-one else will. You'll be a part of building something that lasts forever. But you have to do it his way.
The ball is in your court, tonight. God has already accepted your apology, he's forgiven you. Jesus' death and resurrection is the proof. Will you say sorry? Will you realise you're in the wrong, admit it, and surrender your life to Jesus? It doesn't matter what you've done – it's forgiven. There's no accounting for taste with God. He wants everyone to turn and follow him. Do it now. Do it tonight. I'm going to pray, because that's how we talk to God. If you want to say sorry, you just pray right along with me in your head. God will hear it. He's God.
Dear God,
I'm sorry. I wanted to live my life for myself, and I selfishly broke the relationship between me and you. I want to apologise for that. Thank you for proving that you've already forgiven me by raising Jesus from the dead. I want to turn my life around and do it right. I want to live the way you want me to. I want to rely on you. Help me to do that, and to not be ashamed of serving you, but to learn how to do what you want me to.
Amen
When we say Amen, it means “So shall it be”. We trust God to keep his side of the promise, and to help us follow him the way he wants us to. If you prayed that prayer, and it's the first time you've ever committed your life to God, then don't keep it to yourself. God puts other Christians around us to help us serve him better. Tell one of your Christian friends, tell Lyndal, or Paul, or Carlene - tell me if you want! But telling others is the next step. Thanks for listening. Have a good night.
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